Trying to keep the faith

This week was very... trying... On Tuesday I went to get food stamps and everything about the experience was horrible. The building is located in a sort of warehouse district and there are buildings lettered A-J. I didn't know what building I was looking for so I drove around and finally saw a sign that said "building B Department of Human Services Food Stamps Office" and pointed me in the direction. I went that way and it ended up being a creepy dead end with no building B in sight. I turned around and went the other way and found the building. I parked and walked up to the only door and it was locked. I started to panic because now I was late for my appointment. I saw a woman walking and stopped her to ask if she knew where I should go. Here's our conversation:
Me: "Excuse me, but I'm really lost and I was wondering if you could help me?"
Her: (slight look of confusion and annoyance) "Sure"
Me: "I'm looking for the Department of Human Services"
Her: "What?"
Me: (as she comes closer I see that she's wearing a name tag... for the Department of Human Services) "I'm looking for the Department of Human Services"
Her: (looking more confused) "What?"
Me: (I pull out the letter I got from them saying when my appointment is) "I'm looking for the Department of Human Services"
Her: "What?" (looks at the letter) "Oh the food stamp office. Walk up that hill and go to the front of this building" (I look and its definitely NOT building B... stupid sign)

I enter the building and don't know really where to go so I stop at the security desk. The officer looks at me and says "Go stand in line" and points. I walk to the line and see a sign that says "Wait at the sign for next available window" so I stand at the sign. I look around and notice signs all over saying "Make one line" and "You could wait up to 2 hours before we call your name" So I stand there and a line starts to form behind me and then next to me... Confusion... Then I eventually just jump in front of the guy that started the second line because I was there first. I tell the lady at the window that i have an appointment and I hand her my letter. She snatches it out of my hand and says "go sit down." so I turn around and see the rest of the room. There are rows and rows of chairs all filled with people. I sent a text to Tracy saying "hmm.. I think I grossly misunderstood how long this will take"...

An hour and 15 minutes later (didn't matter that we all had appointments...) my name gets called. I go to the sign in desk and stood there. The officer didn't acknowledge me at all so I thought that maybe I had to just sign my name. I picked up the pen and she snapped at me "and who are you?" I told her my name and she said "well was your name called?" I told her yes and she said "well I need to see some ID" So I gave her my ID and she looked at it and then said "write your name" so I wrote my name and she sent me through. I met my social worker and she walked me to her cube. I sat down and realized that the computer screen was directly between me and the social worker. She started asking me questions and I was thinking "Seriously? I'm supposed to talk to the back of this computer screen?" so I moved my chair over. The appointment went fine even though she was not very friendly at all. She told me I only qualified for $40 a month. My heart just dropped. Here I am a GOVERNMENT VOLUNTEER which means that I'm not technically employed so my income is technically 0 and the government wouldn't even give me assistance. I went and sat in my car and cried for about 15 minutes. I was just so overwhelmed. I was scared that I'm not gonna be able to make it, but mostly I was angry. It was seriously that white hot anger too. I had finally experienced "the system" and my eyes were opened. I felt degraded and had been looked at like I was worthless. People have to go through this on a regular basis and I only went through it once and it sucked. The people that need this assistance are people who have jobs and maybe some of them have bosses who are not understanding and maybe some of them have jobs that don't give out pto but all of them are made to sit there for HOURS and lose time from work and losing time means losing money and they're struggling as it is. And what the heck is the point of having an appointment when they just make you wait for 2 hours anyway. It made me so incredibly angry that here we (meaning the U.S. in general) trying to fix every other country when ours is so incredibly broken. I lost all faith in our government's ability to take care of it's own. I lost faith in voting because no one will fix the issue that I am now really passionate about and even if they say they're going to there is not enough time in a term to fix anything. Nothing ever gets done. America, this land of "opportunity" really kind of sucks. That day I was working at the office (to get a break from the school cause yikes) and I went to let my boss know that I was there and I ended up bursting into tears in her office. She was very gracious and understanding about it. She knows that I'm a long way from home and that everything is so overwhelming. She let me know that if I ever need a break from the school and the teachers to let her know and she'll set me up with Red Cross for a day or something so that I can breathe. The rest of the day was awesome because the other Americorps members were there and there was a lot of laughter and just being together is always fun. On Friday my boss texted me to ask me if I'd like to work at a water festival this Wed to get a break from the school. I'm really glad that she did that cause that school just sucks the life out of Tracy and I. So I have something to look forward too luckily...

It Really Is All About The Simple Things

Easy Mac is the perfect afternoon snack... I've been getting super hungry by about 1 since I take my lunch at 10:30. The other day I brought a thing of Easy Mac with my lunch but ended up saving it until the afternoon. Best. Idea. Evar. Talk about your comfort food. It was a kind of hard day and I was super tired and just wanted to go home, then out came that Easy Mac and I had a few minutes of cheesy goodness to brighten my day. I know, I know, I really should be eathing healthier things, but today I'm all about the simple pleasures... My weekly cup of Starbuck's decaf doused with sugar and half and half... It's hald the price of my regular (White Chocolate Mocha). I'm not usually a fan of Starbucks and I miss my Caribou SO much, but hey, I pay $2 for a cup of coffee and use the internet for as long as I want!

I've decided to try (and I emphasize try) not to let the people around me bother me. I got displaced from my room again, which was more than a little annoying, but I decided that all I can do is my job. All I can control is myself. Unfortunately, the kids suffer because the hallway is so busy and loud that we don't get much work done. But I can't control that. I can just try my best and realize that there's always tomorrow.

Bobby and I had another wonderful Saturday. We ate, we walked, we watched... Movies that is.. Well sort of. He watched Wall Street while I was bored to death. LOL... But it was nice. In the evening we even skyped with Bryn, Jake and baby Amara. It was lovely. Spending time with Bobby is always amazing <3

Tomorrow I go to get my food stamps set up, so hopefully next month will be a little bit easier in the money department. I've almost made it through October and I know that things are going to be ok and work out.

Habitat For Humanity

I got to work on a Habitat For Humanity project for three days this week! Boy am I tired! But it feels good. The project that I worked on was a part of the Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter Work Project. We worked at a subdivision called Wylam Oaks. The land was donated by U.S. Steel and there are 38 houses in the development. All 38 are Habitat houses. It's I think the largest all Habitat neighborhood in the U.S. if I heard that right... The first day Tracy and I got stuck painting trim in one of the houses. It wouldn't have been bad except that we were standing in the doorways painting and the work guys kept walking in and out. They never said "excuse me", instead they would pretty much just walk up on us and get closer and closer until we moved. Basically, they just pressed their bodies all on ours until we would move. It was so obnoxious. The lead builder guy was a complete jerk to everybody, including us. He kept yelling at us about dripping paint on the floor, when really we were dripping paint on our drop cloth and people kept stepping in it as they walked through.

On day 2 Tracy got sick of the painting and the rudeness so I ended up painting with Brittni, another Americorps member. It was really annoying because they wouldn't let us tape the wall so that we could do the little lip on the trim and so I told them that I wasn't going to paint the lip beacause it was pretty much impossible to do it and not get paint on the wall. I was very harshly told "no. It's not impossible, you just have to be careful and get it done." I didn't do it. Seriously, I'm not a professional painter and I'm not about to be the one to get yelled at for getting paint on the wall. Once I got finished with painting I went to a different house because the one I was at had way too many cooks in the kitchen and the people were such jerks. So I went and painted at another house where there were only a few people and they were much much nicer. Oh, I almost forgot. At the rude house in the middle of the morning Garth Brooks showed up to help out! He was actually mostly in the way because they would set up a project and have him like drill a hole and then everyone would take pictures and then they'd move him on to something else and he'd paint a strip of wall and everyone would take a picture... But it was pretty cool that he showed up and had good intentions. He was a really nice guy too. The Americorps team got our picture taken with him. He asked us all our names and shook our hands and said "I'm Garth" it was kind of funny.

Day 3: I woke up this morning and found out that my cell phone service got shut off... Not a great way to start the day (mom, if you don't hear from me, don't worry, I'm still alive). But I worked at the nice house this morning and put some finishing touches on the yard and mostly just stood around and hung out with my co workers which was fun. We don't get to see each other much because we're at different schools so it's fun to all get together and get to know everyone a little better. We had fried catfish for lunch which was DELICIOUS. I'd never had catfish before. Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter showed up (catfish is his favorite, so that's why we had it) and we got our picture taken and he spoke at the dedication ceremony for the neighborhood and he and Rosalynn cut the ribbon. It was pretty cool to be a part of. The Carters put together a Habitat project every year and switch off between the U.S. and another counrty each year. Next year they will be bulding in Haiti. Actually they decided to build in Haiti for the next 2 years. So that's pretty cool. I guess before the earthquake Habitat built 200 houses in Haiti and every single one of them is still standing.

Anyways, it was a good week. I really enjoy working for Habitat and getting things done. I love how you can see the progress that you've made. Now for some rest and the weekend!

The Weekend...

I had such a lovely weekend. It made all my frustrations and emotions from last week just melt away. On Saturday Bobby came over in the morning and we watched a movie and just hung out. He's so wonderful :) We went to Vulcan Park where there's this gigantic statue of Vulcan (I see it from the freeway every morning on the way to work and got curious...) So we went and saw the statue and walked around the park. It's a beautiful park and it overlooks downtown Birmingham. There's also a museum there, but we didn't go in it. Maybe some time when we actually have money... Then we went on a mission to find a birthday present for Bobby's nephew Cade. We ended up getting him Toy Story Pjs, a 3D Toy Story t shirt and a lego Star Wars t shirt (can you tell what Cade's really into?). We had a late lunch at Chuy's, which has totally become "our" place. Chuy's is in The Summit which is hard to explain. It's an outdoor mall, but it's not all in one big strip or square. It's all spread out. We walked almost the whole thing. There are water fountains and flowers and random statues of kids running (they kinda creeped me out...). It's so pretty and peaceful. Then we went to the Cheesecake Factory and shared a piece of Red Velvet Cheesecake. YUM! It was so nice to just chill and walk around and it was all laid back and peaceful.

On Sunday I went to Tuscaloosa and Bobby and I went to Cade's birthday party. It was a Toy Story party. Cade was Buzz Lightyear. It was so cute. It was also nice to finally meet Cade and Callie (Bobby's niece). I've been talking to them on the phone for the last 3 1/2 years, so it was so fun to meet them. After the party Bobby and I went to his house and watched The Great Outdoors and Grumpy Old Men (look for my reviews here soon) both of which reminded me so much of home. That was the end of my Bobbylicious weekend... Back to reality on Monday morning :-/

This week has actually been pretty good. Monday was a full day at the school. Tuesday we had a training all about culture and we got to talk about what we had seen in the classrooms and process all of that a little bit. The biggest thing they drilled into us was that we're there for the kids so do not let the grown ups steal your joy! It was a perfect re-energizer! Today we did a Habitat for Humanity project. There's this whole development with 38 houses that Habitat has built. I was there today, and will be there again tomorrow. We're getting as much done as possible because on Friday Jimmy Carter will be visiting. I really really wish I could go on Friday, but I think we're gonna have to go back to our schools. :(

Bobby and I at The Summit <3

This is Frustrating

I've been sitting in classrooms the last couple of days and I am still appalled and shocked by the way the teachers treat these kids. I don't remember if I've written about the teacher who has all the middle and upper kids on one side of the room and all of the others on the other side (she calls her low scorers her "retards"). I noticed the other day that when she's teaching she only speaks to the "smart" side of the room and ignores the other side. There's one child who has the hardest time sitting still and he'll be really really focused for a short period of time and then he'll just lose it and start laying on the floor or doing whatever and of course I just absolutely ADORE this child... (Tami, I don't know if you still read this, but that was for you ha ha) Well when the teacher gets fed up with him she pops him into the Reading Room (the room I share with the specialists) and leaves him there. Not even for like ten minutes or whatever, no she leaves him there for HOURS. This child is one of the lower scoring children in the class. How is he supposed to improve if he's being forced out of the classroom every day? She's already told me that she intends to fail him. At this point if he fails it is the fault of the teacher, not his. He's not even being given a fighting chance. Tracy was tealling me that she pulled a child from the kindergarten room and tested him on his letter and sound recognition. He knew them all and so she brought him back to class and the teacher asked hos it went and Tracy said "Oh it went great!" to which the teacher replied "Well that's impossible. I tested him last week and he didn't know anything because he's too stupid." IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS. How humiliating and degrading! Tracy simply said "oh no, he knew every single one" and had to walk out of the classroom to take a moment to calm down. What is wrong with these teachers? They have no faith in their kids' ability to improve. These kids are in kindergarten and first grade and they're already being treated like lost causes.

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Today I got to work and was locked out of my room. Tracy and I sat outside of the room for 45 minutes just waiting. We knew the Speech Pathologist doesn't work at our school on Thursdays and one of the other specialists had been sick on and off all week. The Reading Coach however, we were not sure about. She never showed up so there we were, sitting on the hallway floor wondering what to do. A teacher saw us there and sent a student to go get the custodian to let us in. The girl came back and said "oh she said you need to go work in the classrooms." We were sort of confused by this because for one thing all of our stuff was locked in our room and for another we had never met this particular custodian and so why was she telling us what to do? The Special Ed teacher came walking by and she went with Tracy to go talk to the custodian again. They asked and the custodian got really rude and said "oh no, I'm not lettin' in no Americorps." The special ed teacher was really surprised by how incredibly rude she was and said "well since when is it your job to say who gets in and who doesn't?" the custodian replied with "(The Reading Coach)  said don't let no Americorps in the room." Tracy talked her into opening it long enough for us to get whatever stuff we needed for the day (as she watched us with her hands on her hips scowling at us) and we went back into the hallway to figure out what to do for the day.

Here are some of my frustrations. First of all, in years past BhamREADS Americorps has always trained their volunteers first and then sent them to the schools. However, they found that the volunteers were confused and didn't understand the training so this year for the first time they sent us into the school and then they're going to train us. We had our training on what we're doing, but the training on how we're doing it has been postponed. Twice. So what we are supposed to be doing is going into the classrooms during their 90 minute reading block in the morning (which I've been doing). We're only supposed to observe. We are not Teacher's Aides and so we are not to let the teachers treat us as such. We are not to run off copies, grade homework or teach. We're there to observe and get a feel for the culture. We're not supposed to be pulling kids out yet. We're not supposed to be documenting yet. Since we're not trained yet, its put us in a really awkward position. Since we can't pull kids or do anything all we do all day is our morning observation, then our lunch break and then try and find whatever busy work or prep work that we can to prepare for when we are able to pull kids. We're been at this for 3 weeks, there's really only so much prep work that can be done. I'm pretty much set till December. So a lot f the time it looks like we're just sitting there doing nothing... Which we are... But not because we're lazy, its because our hands are sort of tied. The Reading Coach has gotten a little irritated with us I think. Last week she told us that we didn't look gainfully employed. On Tuesdays we stay at the school until 3:30 instead of 3 because we have a spanish class at 3:45, well this Tuesday she got all "well aren't you supposed to be at the school right now?" And then the thing today. She told the custodian not to let us in, which means that she knew she wasn't going to be there and didn't let us know so that we could grab what we needed. Here's the deal. The custodian is not our boss. The Reading Coach is not our boss. The Principal is not our boss. Americorps is our boss. Secondly, we are not technically employed. We are Government Volunteers. Once we really get in the swing of things I will be putting in 50 hours a week. With the amount of money I make at the end of the month that turns out to be about $4.91 per hour. Before taxes. I do not get paid enough to be treated like crap. Do not tell me what and how to do my job when you did not sit in the training sessions that I did. Our job is not the same as the Reading Coaches. I'm sick and tired of people giving me attitude and dirty looks just because they think I'm making a paycheck by sitting around and because they think that that's what I'm going to be doing all year. Today was so hard. There were times at SPCC when I felt underappreciated but this is a million times worse. I feel so unwanted and out of place. I really just need to focus on the fact that I'm not here to please these people. I'm here for these kids who come from broken down homes and are broken down even more by their teachers. I'm here to love them and to show them that there are adults in this world who love and respect them even when they make mistakes. I'm here to make a difference and to change Whatley K-8 by loving on its kids.

September is almost over?

We had a training last week about the Alabama Reading Initiative and they explained a little about why we are only working with the middle and upper kids. The first reason is that the teachers are supposed to be working one on one a few times a days with the bottom kids (I have not seen this happening), The other reason is that BirminghamREADS wants us to feel successful at the end of the year and see progress in the kids we are working with. Therefore we are working with the kids that we are most likely to see improvement from. In my opinion this totally labels the low kids as lost causes. If the kids are low and failing this badly I honestly believe it is the fault of the teachers, not of the kids. These teachers are failing to do their jobs in an effective manner. One of the teachers that I work with has all her smart kids on one side of the room and her "retards" (as she calls them) on the other side. She doesn't even try and help the kids that need the help. She just stands there and yells at them. It breaks my heart so much and I so want to work with those kids. I had 3 of the lower kids in a small group and I was leading them through the same thing the class was doing, but at their pace and one of them totally could figure out what he was supposed to do simply by having me there to explain it to him in a way that he understood and then sit with him and go at his pace. I'm really sad that I can't officially work with him.

At the training last week we heard about a study that was done that showed that by the age of 4, kids in higher socioeconomic families had heard/been exposed to 45 million words, whereas kids in lower socioeconomic families had only heard 13 million words. She also said that some places (I can't remember if it was specifically Alabama) choose how many prisons to build based on how many kids are still illiterate by second grade. Tracy, my Americorps co worker who is at the same school as I am, spoke with a woman who does tutoring in prisons here in Alabama and said that the prisons here have an 85 % illiteracy rate. It just goes to show just how important knowing how to read really is.

Bobby and I had a wonderful date day last Saturday. We watched an episode of House (his obsession) and then went to The Summit which is like this HUGE outdoor mall. We went to this awesome Tex-Mex place called Chuy's which has the most amazing food. It's definitely our new favorite place. :) Then we went to see The Town (look for my review soon) We also went to the Cheesecake Factory for dessert. YUM! It was definitely the perfect day <3

So for Americorps I have to do 50 non-Americorps hours of service by the end of the year. Tracy and I went searching for some opportunites this week and found one that we both just fell in love with. Its for an organization called Stand Up For Kids. The mission of this organization is to go out into the streets and meet homeless kids aged 21 and younger and let them know that they care about them and then prove it. I'm really excited to work with them!

I also found a church that I really like. Its called Church of the Highlands and it's a multi campus church that reminds me a TON of Eagle Brook. I really enjoyed it!

Alabama is Weird

Over the past few weeks I have been keeping track of all the little ways that Alabama is different from Minnesota. Here is the list so far:

• Cornbread isn't sweet. Tea, however is so sweet it's like drinking syrup.
• Shopping carts are referred to as "buggies"
• Nobody uses their turn signal if they're already in a turn lane. It's just assumed that if you're in the lane then, duh, you're going to turn.
• It's rude to reply with "yeah" or "yup". It's always "yes ma'am" or "yes sir"
• If you walk by someone and don't acknowledge them it's considered rude. People randomly greet you wherever you are and ask how you are. It's weird.
• Cherry Coke is not commonly available in restaraunts and movie theaters like it is at home.
• Alabamans live, eat and breath college football.
• Do not under any circumstances insult the Alabama Crimson Tide.
• In the school that I work at I've been told that Megan is not really a common name and therefore is hard to remember.
• Parking ramps are called "decks"
• When something is funny they say "that tickled me"
• Alabamans seriously do not know how to merge. They think that stopping at the bottom of the entrance ramp is an appropriate way to merge.
• If you go to a fair and ask your Alabaman boyfriend if the fair sells cheese curds he will look at you and say "what are cheese turds?"
• When a movie has parts that are not appropriate for kids they are called "ugly parts" or if someone says something mean/rude they'll say "I don't mean to be ugly, but it's true" or something to that effect
• Don't end a sentence with "with". They won't know that you're done talking.

This list will grow I'm sure...