This is Frustrating

I've been sitting in classrooms the last couple of days and I am still appalled and shocked by the way the teachers treat these kids. I don't remember if I've written about the teacher who has all the middle and upper kids on one side of the room and all of the others on the other side (she calls her low scorers her "retards"). I noticed the other day that when she's teaching she only speaks to the "smart" side of the room and ignores the other side. There's one child who has the hardest time sitting still and he'll be really really focused for a short period of time and then he'll just lose it and start laying on the floor or doing whatever and of course I just absolutely ADORE this child... (Tami, I don't know if you still read this, but that was for you ha ha) Well when the teacher gets fed up with him she pops him into the Reading Room (the room I share with the specialists) and leaves him there. Not even for like ten minutes or whatever, no she leaves him there for HOURS. This child is one of the lower scoring children in the class. How is he supposed to improve if he's being forced out of the classroom every day? She's already told me that she intends to fail him. At this point if he fails it is the fault of the teacher, not his. He's not even being given a fighting chance. Tracy was tealling me that she pulled a child from the kindergarten room and tested him on his letter and sound recognition. He knew them all and so she brought him back to class and the teacher asked hos it went and Tracy said "Oh it went great!" to which the teacher replied "Well that's impossible. I tested him last week and he didn't know anything because he's too stupid." IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CLASS. How humiliating and degrading! Tracy simply said "oh no, he knew every single one" and had to walk out of the classroom to take a moment to calm down. What is wrong with these teachers? They have no faith in their kids' ability to improve. These kids are in kindergarten and first grade and they're already being treated like lost causes.

*************************************************************************************

Today I got to work and was locked out of my room. Tracy and I sat outside of the room for 45 minutes just waiting. We knew the Speech Pathologist doesn't work at our school on Thursdays and one of the other specialists had been sick on and off all week. The Reading Coach however, we were not sure about. She never showed up so there we were, sitting on the hallway floor wondering what to do. A teacher saw us there and sent a student to go get the custodian to let us in. The girl came back and said "oh she said you need to go work in the classrooms." We were sort of confused by this because for one thing all of our stuff was locked in our room and for another we had never met this particular custodian and so why was she telling us what to do? The Special Ed teacher came walking by and she went with Tracy to go talk to the custodian again. They asked and the custodian got really rude and said "oh no, I'm not lettin' in no Americorps." The special ed teacher was really surprised by how incredibly rude she was and said "well since when is it your job to say who gets in and who doesn't?" the custodian replied with "(The Reading Coach)  said don't let no Americorps in the room." Tracy talked her into opening it long enough for us to get whatever stuff we needed for the day (as she watched us with her hands on her hips scowling at us) and we went back into the hallway to figure out what to do for the day.

Here are some of my frustrations. First of all, in years past BhamREADS Americorps has always trained their volunteers first and then sent them to the schools. However, they found that the volunteers were confused and didn't understand the training so this year for the first time they sent us into the school and then they're going to train us. We had our training on what we're doing, but the training on how we're doing it has been postponed. Twice. So what we are supposed to be doing is going into the classrooms during their 90 minute reading block in the morning (which I've been doing). We're only supposed to observe. We are not Teacher's Aides and so we are not to let the teachers treat us as such. We are not to run off copies, grade homework or teach. We're there to observe and get a feel for the culture. We're not supposed to be pulling kids out yet. We're not supposed to be documenting yet. Since we're not trained yet, its put us in a really awkward position. Since we can't pull kids or do anything all we do all day is our morning observation, then our lunch break and then try and find whatever busy work or prep work that we can to prepare for when we are able to pull kids. We're been at this for 3 weeks, there's really only so much prep work that can be done. I'm pretty much set till December. So a lot f the time it looks like we're just sitting there doing nothing... Which we are... But not because we're lazy, its because our hands are sort of tied. The Reading Coach has gotten a little irritated with us I think. Last week she told us that we didn't look gainfully employed. On Tuesdays we stay at the school until 3:30 instead of 3 because we have a spanish class at 3:45, well this Tuesday she got all "well aren't you supposed to be at the school right now?" And then the thing today. She told the custodian not to let us in, which means that she knew she wasn't going to be there and didn't let us know so that we could grab what we needed. Here's the deal. The custodian is not our boss. The Reading Coach is not our boss. The Principal is not our boss. Americorps is our boss. Secondly, we are not technically employed. We are Government Volunteers. Once we really get in the swing of things I will be putting in 50 hours a week. With the amount of money I make at the end of the month that turns out to be about $4.91 per hour. Before taxes. I do not get paid enough to be treated like crap. Do not tell me what and how to do my job when you did not sit in the training sessions that I did. Our job is not the same as the Reading Coaches. I'm sick and tired of people giving me attitude and dirty looks just because they think I'm making a paycheck by sitting around and because they think that that's what I'm going to be doing all year. Today was so hard. There were times at SPCC when I felt underappreciated but this is a million times worse. I feel so unwanted and out of place. I really just need to focus on the fact that I'm not here to please these people. I'm here for these kids who come from broken down homes and are broken down even more by their teachers. I'm here to love them and to show them that there are adults in this world who love and respect them even when they make mistakes. I'm here to make a difference and to change Whatley K-8 by loving on its kids.

September is almost over?

We had a training last week about the Alabama Reading Initiative and they explained a little about why we are only working with the middle and upper kids. The first reason is that the teachers are supposed to be working one on one a few times a days with the bottom kids (I have not seen this happening), The other reason is that BirminghamREADS wants us to feel successful at the end of the year and see progress in the kids we are working with. Therefore we are working with the kids that we are most likely to see improvement from. In my opinion this totally labels the low kids as lost causes. If the kids are low and failing this badly I honestly believe it is the fault of the teachers, not of the kids. These teachers are failing to do their jobs in an effective manner. One of the teachers that I work with has all her smart kids on one side of the room and her "retards" (as she calls them) on the other side. She doesn't even try and help the kids that need the help. She just stands there and yells at them. It breaks my heart so much and I so want to work with those kids. I had 3 of the lower kids in a small group and I was leading them through the same thing the class was doing, but at their pace and one of them totally could figure out what he was supposed to do simply by having me there to explain it to him in a way that he understood and then sit with him and go at his pace. I'm really sad that I can't officially work with him.

At the training last week we heard about a study that was done that showed that by the age of 4, kids in higher socioeconomic families had heard/been exposed to 45 million words, whereas kids in lower socioeconomic families had only heard 13 million words. She also said that some places (I can't remember if it was specifically Alabama) choose how many prisons to build based on how many kids are still illiterate by second grade. Tracy, my Americorps co worker who is at the same school as I am, spoke with a woman who does tutoring in prisons here in Alabama and said that the prisons here have an 85 % illiteracy rate. It just goes to show just how important knowing how to read really is.

Bobby and I had a wonderful date day last Saturday. We watched an episode of House (his obsession) and then went to The Summit which is like this HUGE outdoor mall. We went to this awesome Tex-Mex place called Chuy's which has the most amazing food. It's definitely our new favorite place. :) Then we went to see The Town (look for my review soon) We also went to the Cheesecake Factory for dessert. YUM! It was definitely the perfect day <3

So for Americorps I have to do 50 non-Americorps hours of service by the end of the year. Tracy and I went searching for some opportunites this week and found one that we both just fell in love with. Its for an organization called Stand Up For Kids. The mission of this organization is to go out into the streets and meet homeless kids aged 21 and younger and let them know that they care about them and then prove it. I'm really excited to work with them!

I also found a church that I really like. Its called Church of the Highlands and it's a multi campus church that reminds me a TON of Eagle Brook. I really enjoyed it!

Alabama is Weird

Over the past few weeks I have been keeping track of all the little ways that Alabama is different from Minnesota. Here is the list so far:

• Cornbread isn't sweet. Tea, however is so sweet it's like drinking syrup.
• Shopping carts are referred to as "buggies"
• Nobody uses their turn signal if they're already in a turn lane. It's just assumed that if you're in the lane then, duh, you're going to turn.
• It's rude to reply with "yeah" or "yup". It's always "yes ma'am" or "yes sir"
• If you walk by someone and don't acknowledge them it's considered rude. People randomly greet you wherever you are and ask how you are. It's weird.
• Cherry Coke is not commonly available in restaraunts and movie theaters like it is at home.
• Alabamans live, eat and breath college football.
• Do not under any circumstances insult the Alabama Crimson Tide.
• In the school that I work at I've been told that Megan is not really a common name and therefore is hard to remember.
• Parking ramps are called "decks"
• When something is funny they say "that tickled me"
• Alabamans seriously do not know how to merge. They think that stopping at the bottom of the entrance ramp is an appropriate way to merge.
• If you go to a fair and ask your Alabaman boyfriend if the fair sells cheese curds he will look at you and say "what are cheese turds?"
• When a movie has parts that are not appropriate for kids they are called "ugly parts" or if someone says something mean/rude they'll say "I don't mean to be ugly, but it's true" or something to that effect
• Don't end a sentence with "with". They won't know that you're done talking.

This list will grow I'm sure...

Tuesday....

This school does not want us. They will not work with us to find us a place to work with the kids. There are four trailer "condos" and we were initially told by Ms. C, the Reading Coach that we could use one, but then the principal got SUPER pissed and said they were all in use. We kept trying to ask if they were all in use all the time, or if there were some open times that we could use them. We didn't really get any answers to that. There is an empty classroom, but we're told we can't use it because a program called Better Basics will be using it for three hours once a week. Seriously? We can't use it the other 34.5 hours a week that we're in the school? Yesterday we finally set up a "classroom" under the stairs. We got permission from the principal to move out a broken refrigerator and to move around a broken copier and we got all set up in this cozy little spot and we were all excited about it. We got back to school this morning and were kicked out from under the stairs because they wanted to fix the fridge (that no one apparantly uses since it was sitting there broken for who knows how long) and move it back into that spot. Tracy (my Americorps co-worker) and I just sat under the stairs for the longest time trying to figure out what to do and feeling so defeated. Tracy called the school district's Employee Assistance Program director to get some advice. She was told that Whatley (the school) has been difficult in the past and they tend to not like Americorps. She told us to call Ms. D (our coordinator) to ask how the librarian feels about Americorps and then seeing if we can set up shop in the library. Kind of feels like picking allies for a war or something... Aren't we all on the same side? Aren't we all in it for the good of the kids? We couldn't get ahold of Ms. D so we ended up moving our stuff back into the room the Reading Coach shares with the Speech Pathologist and another specialist. So there are 5 of us splitting one classroom. Not ideal, but at least we know our stuff won't walk off...

I was in a meeting yesterday with the reading coach, the Better Basics people and the other specialists. The principal talked a lot about giving help to the kids who had middle and upper test scores because "those are the ones who can be moved". So we're working with middle and upper so the school's test scores as a whole will go up. I'm sort of upset by that. I have a really hard time just letting the kindergarten and first graders who don't cut it slip through the cracks. Especially since this is a k-8 school. We're setting up the k and 1st graders to fail for their entire 8 years at Whatley. That's so much time to grow and improve and develop.

After school I do tutoring for the school's afterschool program which is held at a library about a block away. It's seriously the cutest little library, but all the shelves are half full. The very bottom shelves are empty and there are many places where the whole shelves are taken out for displays. It's really sad! The librarians are super sweet though.

Today we had a moment of silence because the 13th was the anniversary of the Sixteenth Street Baptist Church bombing that killed 4 little girls. I asked Ms. C about it and she said that to this day if you ask someone who was there about it they still get choked up and you can just see the grief in their faces. I can't even imagine suffering a loss like that or witnessing that.

The First Week and a Half

So I've been here for a little longer than a week and a half and so far I LOVE it. Yeah, the weather is a little on the steamy side, especially with no AC in the car, but it's all worth it. Birmingham is absolutely beautiful and my apartment is in a really nice location (don't worry, its also very secure-its gated and in the evening there is a security guard at the gate checking parking passes, and on he weekend a police officer joins him) and my 2 roommates are never home (one of them I've seen once and haven't officially met) so I pretty much have the run of the place. My job is going really well so far. I'm in training until the end of the month, but it's been good. This last week I got to be at the school that I'll be at for the year and I got to meet the kids and teachers that I'll be working with. It's like a whole other world there. So different from what I'm used to. I'll be serving 25 first graders and they are way behind - some can't write their names yet, which broke my heart. The teachers are super strict and really harsh. They go from 0 to 100 in less than 2 seconds. Once second they'll be talking to a child and the next they'll be SCREAMING in that child's face. I've heard a lot of "I'm gonna bust your head if you don't stop that" and just so much screaming. I did take a small group of kids out of the classroom on Thursday because they were disrupting the class and so I offered to work on their work with them and oh my goodness, this is going to be a challenge. They were just so all over the place and made me understand why the teachers are so frustrated. No, I didn't scream at any of them, but I did have to use my stern teacher voice. One of the teachers that I'm with is so thankful that I'm there, she said "It's only your second day and you've already been such a blessing by taking those kids out and working with them, you are truly blessed." The other first grade teacher treats me like I'm not there for the most part. On Friday my team and I did Habitat for Humanity and I learned how to install vinyl siding. It was SO much fun and it was so awesome to see hos much we got accomplished in that one day (we got 3 of the main walls sided). We all went to lunch together too so it was really nice to visit and get to know one another a little better. I'm learning my way around here. I have a little notebook that I write directions down in so I can have them whenever I need them. I've been having to use it less and less though which is really good. I found out this week that at the Davis Center (its some sort of school district office and the building that has the READS office in it) they are offering FREE Spanish classes! So I get to take a spanish class every Tuesday AND get paid for it! So I'm really excited about that. It's really neat to see how God used Nicaragua to prepare me for this, from having a servant heart right down to the hot, sticky weather. I love it.

On a personal note, I met Bobby... Finally... and we're having so much fun spending time together. He makes sure I get at least one good meal in me a week. He was a little horrified to find out that I'm pretty much living on pb and j and tortillas with cheese and lunchmeat in them. So he makes sure I get fed and that my gas tank is full. It's great, I'm gonna get spoiled! I've gotten to hang out with his family a little bit as well, mainly his dad and step mom and that's been nice too to get to know them. I will try and keep this updated as much as possible so keep checking back! I mostly will only have time to update on weekends because I don't have internet yet and so I have to go to Starbucks or the library or whatever.

My Next Adventure

So while I was in Nicaragua, we went to La Chureca (the community in a garbage dump for those who haven't been following along) and while we were there Raul, one of the translators, told us that he had grown up 5 minutes away from La Chureca and didn't know people were living there until he started working with ORPHANetwork. That really hit me and got me to think about what types of places are there in the U.S. or even near my home that I don't know about. There may not be any horror as large as La Chureca in the U.S. (or maybe just not one that I know of) but anytime anyone has to climb into a dumpster for the night or to find food its basically the same thing. Nicaragua opened my eyes to the world beyond my neighborhood. It made me see that poverty is real, not just something that you see on tv as you flip the channel. I've looked into the eyes of poverty. When I came home I really struggled with going back to work at SPCC. The majority of the kids at SPCC have all that they need to succeed in life and my heart was just not in it. Don't get me wrong, I know that there was value to the work that I did at SPCC, and I loved the kids that I worked with, but from the time I was a teenager I always desired to work with inner city kids. Kids who were being set up to fail by the lack of support from their parents, by a failing school system and by the lack of having positive mentors in their lives. I didn't really know what I exactly wanted to do, so Eben told me to look into Americorps. I did a search and one of the first jobs that came up was a program called BirminghamREADS which is a literacy program in Birmingham, Alabama. When I read the description, I just fell in love with the job. It talked about working with at risk 2nd and 3rd graders to help them gain reading confidence and providing homework help. I applied, had an interview where they asked me what I thought of when I thought of at risk youth and I said that often it's single parent homes, the parent has to maybe work multiple jobs to keep afloat and therefore is not around for their kids to help guide them and help with homework etc. They really liked that answer and talked about how many of the kids will come to school in the same outfit for a week or their hair won't be combed or their parents are incarcerated and theyre being raised by a sibling or parent. I just fell in love with those kids as she was telling me about them. I didn't hear anything back for a really really long time and just assumed that I didn't get the job. Then 3 weeks ago I got the call that I got it and I needed to relocate to Birmingham! So here I am, in a city all by myself, away from my family, away from everything familiar. I never thought I had it in me to do this, but I did it! This week we're in training... Well actually, we'll be in training for the month of September, but next week we'll be assigned to our school and we'll shadow the reading coach and get to know the kids. I'm super excited for what this year holds.

Before I left, I asked my friend Rachel to give me advice. She spent a year doing Mission Year in Pennsylvania I think it was living in inner city and working ith churches but I don't really remember, it was a long time ago. Anyways, it was spending a year away from everything familiar and really digging in and getting dirty. The advice she gave me was so important. She told me to be present in the moment. Even the hard ones because one day even this will be a distant memory. She also went on to say "I keep thinking about how we only get to do this life one time, so enjoy it and learn from it and love big with big risks and don't be afraid to have your heart broken again and again because you kept loving even after it hurt. I am sure you will meet such amazing people and it will be tempting to just pass through, since it is a definite time frame--but don't. Really invest. Don't wait to invest. Really invest. Because I think that's what made it meaningful to me." I think that this advice will be so valuable to me this year (thanks Rachel!) and I'm so excited for this year and for everything that it holds, good and bad. I will try my hardest to update this as often as possible, but right now I don't have internet at my apartment, but today I'm sitting at a Starbucks, so hopefully I'll have more opportunities to do that. Love you and miss you all back home!

Journal Entry #5

Friday, June 18 2010










Today was our day of compassion. We were split into "families" of four and given the story of a family from Nicaragua as well as their daily pay, what they have in savings, and a shopping list of items they need. My family was from Nueva Vida and made about $2 per day. We had to buy breakfast and lunch for all four of us. Breakfast was rice and beans, cheese (not a good cheese either, their cheese was really weird) and a tortilla. I think we got one serving of rice and beans and split it between the four of us, but I can't remember. Then we headed off to Huembes Marketplace where we had to find some supplies for our family. This was probably the most frustrating part of the trip thus far. We joined up with another "family" and I think some other stragglers (it seemed like our group was really big) and we wandered around the market lookingfor supplies. We didn't know where to look, we didn't really speak the language and we couldn't all agree on which direction we should go in anytime we came to an intersection. Then the whole group would randomly stop in the middle of the walkway and just look around which was really frustrating for me because I HATE when people do that at the mall and at stores! We eventually got our supplies and got back to the bus to drop them off and then went back to do our own shopping. Our group kind of split up and went seperate directions. I bought some Nicaraguan coffee (why did I only buy one bag!?!), a shot glass (I collect them everywhere I go), a baseball jersey that says Nicaragua for my unborn niece, a purse, and then I saw a purse I liked better so I bought that too, and a t shirt. I think that's all. I don't remember. I got some nice treasures to bring back in any case. I was SO hungry by the time we got back to the bus. I had some trail mix with me that I ate, but it didn't really help that much. We got back to the Team Center for lunch which we had to buy, and was the same as breakfast, and then it was time for our work groups. I was so tired and weak from not being used to being hungry and I started getting a bad headache so I went and took a nap. I felt really lame doing that since everyone else was probably feeling the same way, but oh well.

I felt much better after my nap, so I went and helped out in the Bodega (the storage room). We painted the storage room and also hung out with the kids and made desks. That evening we had a worship service led by the teenagers from the orphanage. Then we put on a dramatic interpretation of The Good Samaritan (I was a sunny sunshine) Then Don gave a little sermon. After that we had Nicaragua Dance Party 2010! It was super fun with Casa Bernabe's longest Conga Line led by 5 year old Paola... I'm having issues with putting pics on here, so sorry no pics of that! They're on my facebook though...

I didn't really write in my journal the last few days. We spent a lot of time with the kids, but I was really frustrated because by then all the kids had their person or people that they had become attached to and since my work project had kept me away from the kids for the most part I ended up tagging along with other team members and their little friend(s). On the way home we got stuck in Miami overnight so Igot home a day late which was really frustrating and made me crabby, but it turned out okay. And that concludes my Nicaragua trip, now on to my next adventure...